but baby its cold outside

Most teenagers leave school and they feel free like a bird just spreading its wings or a wild stallion just galloping away without a care in the world. And then when they see girls my age talking about love they're just like 'you're just sixteen, what do you know about love?'

This maybe sound a little overrated but I in fact fell in love with this silly, funny, witty, sweet, charming, lovely boy--when I was fourteen. And as crazy as it seems I don't really know when I'll stop loving him. Even if he tells me today that he doesn't love me and he finds someone else, someone better than me, I'll still have that one hand holding on to the edge of the cliff. Cause first loves are just not easy to let go.

I know that if it doesn't work out one fine day. Somewhere. Somehow. Out of a gazillion and one people, I will somehow pick him. And whether he picks me or not that's his decision to make and my hopes on the line.

It doesn't matter where you are, what you're doing, how nice you look, how expensive your meal was. Its about who you're with. Its about the love you share. And you know you're in love if you can just have a meal at mcdonalds and be so happy and loved up.

I love Qhairyl and whether he does or not, I'll never give up. I'll never walk away.

dream a little dream of me

I've always had this little creature in me that just wishes to lurk around mysterious places and just explore and discover new things, go on amazing adventures I know I'd never give a chance. I sometimes have this absurd imagination no one believes I have. I often talk to myself and often day dream about things I know would never in a million years happen and yet it makes me so happy. I sometimes get this ecstatic feeling--an adrenaline rush everytime I just create something in my head and then I just start jumping and screaming just to release everything out of my system. Yes I'm a little bit of a nincompoop, in a way.

I always wondered what it'd be like to live in the 1940's, 50's and 60's. It must have benn really phenomenal. The culture the music the ambiance the language. So I often day dream and just wonder what it'd be like. I sometimes wondered what if my mum got married to someone else? Or maybe what if I was born in a different era? Would I be a grandmother by now? All wrinkly and smelly like an old unwanted prune. I often wonder what the afterlife is like. Weather it what I've always imagined from all the books I've read.

I take myself to a different world. A world where I live by my imagination and by my imagination only. There was no such thing as a 'meantime' or a 'maybe' or anything of that sort. I just did everything there and then. Time is priceless. So is my imagination.

quote of the day

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton

:-(

I miss qhairyl iyzmil so much and we've been so distant and all these constant fights I just feel like he think we won't work out and I'm just so afraid of him leaving me. I just need a sense of direction-- I need him to reassure me that he's never gonna leave me and hurt me like he did before and I don't think I can take that kind of pain ever again.

I love him so much and I know that its my fault that we've been having all these fights and I'd do anything to keep him from tearing me apart.

quote of the day

'We're going down and you can see it too. We're going down and you know we're doomed. My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room'-John Mayer

It feels like more than distance between us

I'm just so depressed and no this isn't the time I go 'I'm so depressed I'm so emo I'm gonna kill myself' no I'm not that pathetic. But yes, I'm just not myself you see. I'm just so tired of fighting and I need a getaway. I need a retreat. Well I can't have all that since I am only sixteen and I have my finals coming up and there's just nothing I can do and no one to go to.

Sometimes I like being in my own world where I'm all alone. Its just me and my imagination. I hear the walls talking the trees whispering and I know that I'm not alone. We never really are. But all we want is company. And sometimes all I need is company and company alone. But no one seems to want to keep me company. I'm not a nice person. I'm bitter. There's always a story behind every girl's tears and laughter. Bitterness and happiness.

In this case, it always starts with a boy. This kind of story always involves a boy. It may be good it may be bad. Either way your life doesn't end because a boy leaves you or if you guys fight.

Just move forward and try your hardest to work things out. But know that it takes two to become one. Relationships don't work being lopsided.

absence makes the heart grow fonder

Ugh I just miss my chewy so much and lately I've been such a meanie to him only to realise I'm not happy anymore and I want to be happy. And I should stop being a bitch. but right now at this exact moment I just miss him so much so so much :(

Till fate meets us both. I love you