a want and a need

I feel so low of myself like my friends are so much smarter than I am and here I am ranting about it on my blog yet I'm not doing anything about it. I hate how shitty I feel knowing I studied so hard and when I get the results I have not improved. Not even a bit. Sometimes I wonder is it because I'm lazy, or am I just stupid? Or maybe the teacher made me fail on purpose! Ah hah! That's right. Teachers make me fail on purpose cause they're so envious of my good looks and charms.....I wish.

I wish I was skinny and tall like all those stupid models on America's Next Top Model or Miss Universe. I just don't know how they live eating vegetables like a bunch of cows everyday. Only thing they don't look like cows whereas I do. I look like a hippo. I love food I love malaysian food I love eurasian food I love food. Who doesn't? I eat when I'm sad I eat when I'm hungry I eat when I'm stressed out I eat when I'm bored I eat for the sake of occupying myself. I think I should marry food. Food never breaks up with me food never let's me down food never makes my pillow all soaked in tears. I love food. But food makes me fat food makes me obese food makes me.... Its a love hate relationship.

I want a lot of things. But I already have everything I need. I'm healthy but not skinny. I'm short but I'm healthy. I'm not smart......ok I need to bulk up. But I should be grateful with what I already have. A roof on top my head clothes on my back food on the table water to drin k a family that loves me. Amazing friends. A guy that loves me unconditionally...I think. Haha.


Amin.