cause lately ive been tired and uninspired

I miss being happy.

unappreciated specimen floating in thin air

This is not a long boring post. This is not a poetic post. This is not a long english essay.
This is me, ranting.


Everything I do is never good enough. I get scolding for everything I do. Every single thing. I'm too happy off in my own world and I never pay attention. Or when I'm having a bad day and I don't feel like talking to anyone, that's a crime. If I study my bloody brains off until they explode and blood gushing everywhere and if I don't do well, its a crime. When I'm having an emotional breakdown, its a crime. Its annoying. I mean, its my emotions. I can't control them. How is it that having an emotional breakdown disturbing your life in any way. Okay and then when my brother doesn't do something he's suppose to do its totally fine. But when I miss a spec of dust its such a big crime

I just need someone to fall back on I feel like I don't have anyone for that and no one really understands how I feel. I feel so under-appreciated. I feel like my existance is just a waste of time. Waste of space waste of oxygen waste of everything. I hate how I feel such weight on my shoulders that I can barely stand upright. When I think back. I have no one but myself. No one would ever understand how I really feel.


I am my own therapist.

insomnia......LOL JK

I BLOODY LOVE UNDISCLOSED DESIRES BY MUSE
I BLOODY LOVE TIRED AND UNINSPRIED BY MY AMERICAN HEART
I BLOODY LOVE SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE BY MUSE
I BLOODY LOVE.... Okay. The list is endless

I love adele
I love muse
I love the beatles
I love the subways
I love john mayer
I love coldplay
I love the scripts
I love paramore
I love justin bieber
I love foster the people
I love young the giant

..And the list goes on. Cannot sleep ni la what happens. Adui. Okay goodnight! X

boiling point

I've reached a point where I don't think I can take it anymore. I've definitely reached my BOILING POINT. I can't stand how my brother is so tidak apa. He doesn't give a shit about my feelings and he doesn't do things sincerely like helping me out around the house when my mum is at work or talk to me nicely.

Again he forgot to wash my school uniform just because it wasn't in the laundry basket he just ignores the fact that my dirty uniform is hanging in my room. Or the fact that I asked him to mop the whole of downstairs and he just mops the living room and excludes the kitchen and wet kitchen which needs mopping so badly. I just want mummy to be proud of me and doesn't call me a hopeless useless daughter when she comes home but I can't do it on my own. I have to study too, finals are around the corner and how am I suppose to please my mum with my studies and house chores at the same time?

I've reached a point where I just wanna runaway from home and never come back. I can't take it.

a want and a need

I feel so low of myself like my friends are so much smarter than I am and here I am ranting about it on my blog yet I'm not doing anything about it. I hate how shitty I feel knowing I studied so hard and when I get the results I have not improved. Not even a bit. Sometimes I wonder is it because I'm lazy, or am I just stupid? Or maybe the teacher made me fail on purpose! Ah hah! That's right. Teachers make me fail on purpose cause they're so envious of my good looks and charms.....I wish.

I wish I was skinny and tall like all those stupid models on America's Next Top Model or Miss Universe. I just don't know how they live eating vegetables like a bunch of cows everyday. Only thing they don't look like cows whereas I do. I look like a hippo. I love food I love malaysian food I love eurasian food I love food. Who doesn't? I eat when I'm sad I eat when I'm hungry I eat when I'm stressed out I eat when I'm bored I eat for the sake of occupying myself. I think I should marry food. Food never breaks up with me food never let's me down food never makes my pillow all soaked in tears. I love food. But food makes me fat food makes me obese food makes me.... Its a love hate relationship.

I want a lot of things. But I already have everything I need. I'm healthy but not skinny. I'm short but I'm healthy. I'm not smart......ok I need to bulk up. But I should be grateful with what I already have. A roof on top my head clothes on my back food on the table water to drin k a family that loves me. Amazing friends. A guy that loves me unconditionally...I think. Haha.


Amin.

chewy

Hmf :( I miss him so much. Ugh. So so much I just can't sleep :( :(

That is all. I shall go to sleep with a bipolar face :(: because manchester united won!!
Glory glory man united and the reds go marching on on on! Buuut I miss him :(

:-*

get it right

'What can you do when your good isn't good enough? And all that you touch tumbles down.
Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of thing
I just wanna fix it somehow.'
Who do you go to when the person you rely on the most is the cause of your tears?

Bunch of shit I must say.

wondering what im even doing walking aimlessly in this cruel world

That moment when you're such a big disappointment to everyone and you feel like there's just only such a few people in your life to actually give you a reason to live. Like my mother for instance. I'm a big disappointment to her. I'm so useless. I help around the house but its never good enough. I'm probably the worst daughter anyone could have. I'm never good enough for her. I'm not smart. I'm fat. What mother wants a fat daughter? I'm rude. I have anger issues. And my father. He never sees me. He obviously think I don't have dignity. I'm probably a slut for having a boyfriend. Again I'm not smart.

I'm a disappointment to both my parents. But then I have my friends. And they still cheer me on.

But the minute you're a disappointment to the one and only boy you love is just. Its heart-wrenching okay. Its just the only person I can depend on gets so disappointed in me over something so small and then we fight and we fight and we fight. I mean, I avoid all these topics I know will lead to fights but he doesn't. And then suddenly its all my fault. I hate how everything is my fault with everyone. And I just don't wanna talk to him about my shitty days because somehow I'd just be selfish. I don't think I'll ever wanna tell him any of my problems anymore cause it hurt me when he told me I talk and I don't listen. What's the use.


So sick and tired of feeling sick and tired

Sweet Sixteen

I wanna give a special shout out to my adorable friend, Lee Min Hui!

Happy Sweet Sixteen Munchkins! Have a splendid day with all your loved ones.<3
Don't forget to bring some birthday cake to school muahahaha.

<3

you better run better run faster than my bullet

I don't know why lately I've just been feeling so irritated and frustrated at anybody and everybody$ for no apparent reason. Okay so I'm a straight forward person right. And sometimes I feel like I come off as a rude bitch. That I don't even see myself as a nice person and when I'm rude my friends think its funny but sometimes I may hurt people's feeling without realising I am. And I don't care. But that's just me. I don't like sugar coating my words. I don't like to tell people things they want to hear when in fact its not what they're suppose to even hear even though it sounds nice and it makes them happy. I mean hey, expections lead to down fall. So why expect for the most when you should be expecting for the worst?

Like sometimes when my friend asks me 'how's my hair?' And I go 'it looks like a raccoon just gave birth on your head' 'why so bad la you. I want you to tell me its nice' "but its not..." Okay so I might've cancelled out the raccoon part but why should I let my friend walk around in embarrassment not knowing her hair looks like a train wreck?

Or if my friend tweets something like 'I'm craving for spageti carbonara' and I go like "its spaghetti." And she gets all offensive I mean hey, I'm trying to save you from embarrassment or what if you have a big test coming up and you wanna write spaghetti and you spell it as SPAGETTI' hm. Oh well.

So I'm a bitch. I've got a mouth like a laser. At least I'm honest. Okay maybe too honest. But that's just who I am. And I'm not proud of it but no one can change me. Its part of who I am and anyways its too late for change.

Whatever happened to 'honestly is the best policy'? Life~

I hate fighting. especially with my best friend. i hate it when im fighting with my own best friend and I have no one to go to about it. i hate that feeling and sometimes theres no way i can change it because sometimes best friends fight and then after awhile they kiss and make up. or in other cases they dont kiss and make up

i just hate it when people take advantage of my emotions. they know how to get the best of me and they know how emotionally upset i get even over a small word like 'youre useless' or 'youre fat'. and thats when i just feel like exploding because i just hate it i mean sometimes i really do feel like im 'buried six feet under screams and no one seems to hear a thing'.

but what i hate the most is when people tell me i dont give a shit. i just hate it. i mean sometimes dont show it but i do okay. i just sometimes dont know what to say kinda like sometimes you dont know how to cheer people up. sometimes i get all caught up in awkward situations and sometimes im just a vapid bitch. girls~

i may be a bitch sometimes and i have a sharp mouth but i do have a heart.

I DO CARE.