just needed a dash of inspiration on my blog.

crank.

Thoughts bulleted in my brain, ricocheting. Creative side to practical side, lustful half to hateful half. Through a keyhole, I found myself in a meadow. Brilliant green bneneath a soft wash of sunshine. I moved at a near sprint, drawn toward a symphony, primitive passion. Some movement gave me away. Exquisite feline eyes found me in the grass-- golden eyesn flecked green. He purred and she looked up. I gasped at her face. My face.

Red and raw like my brain, unable to shut down, throughts crashing like electrons orbiting a nucleus of duelling emotions. The monster will forever speak to me. And today, its calling me out the door.

i dont hold grudges

You really hurt my feelings real bad this time and I know I'm not suppose to give you a second chance (eventhough you've already hurt my feelings once and I've already given you a second chance). I'm just not the sort of person to hold grudges. I know I would want a second chance when I screw things up. But its just...how could you?

You just made it impossible for me to feel the same way I did before. You're just like all the other guys. I really thought you were different. Thought you were one-of-a-kind. (Well you are in a way) agh I just can't believe I actually allowed myself to fall into your trap. I'm just another rabbit waiting to be skinned. Embarrassed. Ashamed.

Sometimes--no. I always wonder whether you force yourself to talk to me. Force yourself to keep up with the conversation. Force yourself to laugh at my jokes. Force yourself to put up with me. You don't have to anymore, you know. You never did. If I wasn't interesting enough then just leave. Get up and walk away.

nothing's right, im torn.

I was just another prey waiting to be caught in another one of the hunter's trap. Waiting to be skinned. Waiting to be ashamed. Waiting to be missed. Will I be missed, though? Will my absence be of any importance to anyone? Will anyone care if I wander off into nothingland and never come back?

A million and one questions I always ask myself. And yet I never seem to find the answer cause only you can be the judge of all that. I can't predict or say what you feel or want. Your desire your angst your courage your sorrow. All you.

I should have stopped at Hello. I should have known it was all a trap. I should have known I was another one of your preys. I should have known you would have never felt the same way about me. I should have known I was not good enough. I should have known I was not pretty enough. I should have known I was not funny. I should have known I was not your type. I should have known. I should have known.

To be honest, you really were the spark to my everyday fire. You were what made me, me. You brought the best out of me. You found a way to make me happy. You found a way to make me feel good about myself. You found a way to make me laugh. You found a way to make me smile. You found a way to make me happy. -- you found a way to make me insecure. You found a way to make me sad. You found a way to make me hate you. You found a way to make me have a gut feeling everytime I see you. You make me feel.

You ruined all that. Like glass. Shattered into a million pieces. Fixable but not perfect.

I'm torn.